Glasgow Film Fest and "the diving-bell and the butterfly"

So, I've been working the Glasgow Film Fest, and last night I got to work the VIP bar which included Andy Serkis, AKA King Kong AKA Gollum, I only spoke to him briefly, but I served him champagne and water, and got his autograph for my sister and my friend (who was there but decided he was too awkward to ask for it but then I introduced him anyway).

Everyone should go see the cottage. He's in it. he was promoting it, we had the world premiere last night (GO GFF!!!) and unfortunately, I didn't get to see it (though I've heard its amazing with some really sick humor in it including ripping someone's spinal column out!) but I did see Zombie Strippers.

It was a fun crazy week but amazing.

PS everyone should read the diving-bell and the butterfly. I feel so thankful that I didn't suffer a massive stroke or locked-in syndrome, but it's definitely a mind fuck for me. My experiences with my stroke were much more mild, but none the less scary, and though it's scary and exciting to identify with this man, it's perhaps the only book to affect me in a mix of depression, sadness, and joy.

For those who don't know the book (or the movie), Jean-Dominique Bauby was editor in chief of French Elle when he suffered a massive stroke, fell into a coma, and woke up with "locked-in syndrome" meaning his brain is intact, but unable to move, eat, breath, or speak on his own. They created a special system of blinking his left eye so he could communicate and "dictate" this book.

As I said, I'm thankful I suffered an extremely mild stroke, but I'm an emotional masochist. I wanted to read this book because I wanted to see how he described his stroke. It also took me two days to gather the courage to read those 5 pages. I wanted to know what his was like, and I want to see the movie for this same reason, though I've already insisted I must bring a friend with me because I still haven't watched the episode in House I was watching that night featuring a woman who has a stroke.

I find it depressing in some ways that a man with such limited communication can write about his experience so much more eloquently than I can. At one point he simply describes his face feeling like parchment as he received a massage. It wasn't because it was dry, but because of the mixed signals in his brain. Just that little bit made me cry, because that was the word I was searching for in the hospital: parchment. That's what my body felt like to my left hand. That this man could describe this sensation with blinking, better than I could just proves how amazing this book is.

There's a line in it that really stood out to me: "Henceforth my life is divided between those who knew me before and all the others." Though I might not appear any different, I am. I'm much more wary about my health, I worry more. I don't lock my door in case I have another one, though I worry that I won't be able to scream for help next time. I worry about being alone. I'm scared of flying, though I know with blood thinners I'm better off than most on the plane. I also carry a giant bag with me every where I go. This bag contains all my pills and my blood thinner book in case I'm rushed unconscious to the hospital they will know my dosage. I also make sure that even if my room is a mess, it's all pushed to the sides in case paramedics rush in again. My life is defined now as pre and post stroke just because that's what it is and it's weird knowing I'm different though others might not know it, and that I will probably divide things up like this for a long time to come.

Everyone should read it. I can't wait to see the movie, I hear it's beautiful. I plan on seeing it this week.